Okay, so yesterday I was trying to think of ways to tell Kelley about me moving out of her house. So the idea of doing this a home...and by myself seemed too scary, and not the best of idean (being that she would either yell at me, or cry uncontrollably and not think about the positives of he situation). Anyways, I thought that if John was with her, he could be there to emotionally support her...as well as reinforce the fact that this is a POSITIVE change for me in MY LIFE. So...I set up dinner at the Olivegarden with me, John, and Kelley. We all ordered dinner, and after all our food was brought out and we ate about half of our meal I said, "Kelley, I have some really exciting news to tell you about". She just looked at me like, what is it this time? Then I said, "I have been giving it some thought, and even though it's happening a little earlier than I anticipated, I have decided to move out with Jessica and Natalie. We are going to rent a house near Jane and Mary on a six month lease." From that point in the evening until we left the resaurant she did not say one word to me other than, "You've had time to think about this and make a decision, but it affects me...and now you are leaving me all alone", and cried quietly. John asked me a lot of questions, offered to help me to move AND use his huge Ford F-150 tuck to move stuff...and said that a trip to IKEA was in order. I could guess that Kelley was not happy about his enthusiasm, but she never said anything directly about it (like I said). I tried to tell her that this my decision had nothing to do with her being a bad sister, and that I am 24 and need to have a little independence and time to live on my own. When we finally got back home, she sat in John's truck for about 10 minutes and talked with him. After that she came in the house, changed, and sat down and told me that she should never have bought her house, because that's when our sister relationship changed. I corrected her and told her that I have been having a hard time since we moved in to our appartment, and that things have actually been better AFTER we moved into her house (from my perspective in relation to how I feel about her and John). She also told me that she has noticed that I have been "unhappy" lately, and she isn't sure why that is. Also, that we don't hang out anymore, that we used to be like "two peas in a pod", and that she wants us to be like that again. My response to that is that I love her, but that our relationship as sisters has just changed...and that I can't be her kid sister that follows her around everywhere, all the time anymore.

Also, I told her that it is not HEALTHY for us to be so co-dependent on each other. We have ALWAYS been very close, but as we have gotten older, we have grown as individuals. And as such, it is only right that we are able to live our lives WHILE maintaining a stong relationship as sisters. I said that I fully expect her and John to be married one day, and that while she is making decisions about HER LIFE, I need to be free and able to make decisions about MY LIFE. Also, I told her that she could not expect me to ALWAYS live with her. I don't want to be that person who lives with their parents forever, or to be the everpresent sister-in-law who lives with her sister/brothers family. While all of my points are valid...I still can't help but feel a little sad about her being by herself, and coming home to an empty house. She told me, "you get to move out with two of your friends. I get to live by myself". That is really true, and if I were in her shoes, I would be pretty sad about that too. When we moved out of my dad's house because he was getting married, we did it together. And her decision to buy a house was a mutually supported idea...with an understanding that I would live there until I was done with school and got a job with the government. But like I said, I may be moving out a little sooner that I thought, but the move itself is INEVITABLE. Another point she made, was that she she has always seen us as equal contributors to the house hold, and that she has never felt like I have taken advantage of her. And that she doesn't think we'll ever live together again. This may be true, but how can I really apoligize to her (or anyone for that matter) about wanting to grow as a person. After all this discussion, which only lasted for about 30 munites, we just hung out and watched some tv. She didn't cry anymore. I think that now that the "shock" has worn off, she can see that whether she likes it or not, I'm gonna move out. No word from my dad that they have talked, but I;m guessing that will happen tomorrow.
So all in all, not the best....but also not the worst that could have happened. I just want her to be a little excited about my move, and help me decide what color to paint my room, what curtains to buy, and go to IKEA with me to get house supplies. I am thinking that with John and my dad's outside perspective and insight, she will realize that she is not losing me as a sisiter...and that our relationship may in fact get better as a result.

AWESOME! I think that you handled that very well and you made great points and said what you felt. And Kelly wont be all alone, she has Molly and John still. I agree that I think you're relationship with her will be better with the move. Separation is a good way to regulate the time spent together and by doing that when you do spend time together you wont have to talk and nit-pick at each other you can talk about the important things. I am happy for you that you are strong enough to be able to stand up for what you want. You will only get stronger!! I love you (soon to be roomy)!!!


On a more exciting note: have you thought of what you want to get at Ikea? That should be a fun trip.

Cutlery, dishes, and maybe some furniture (chairs, bookshelf...and I'm not sure what else!). But I do think we need to get a SERIOUS game plan about appliances! Kelley even asked me if I was going to take the couches and the TV we have in the loft...because we both paid 50/50 for them. I told her that I didn't even consider it, but that when her tax redund check comes in and she buys her new furniture, that if she wanted me to take the suff I would. But that is really no guarantee...

Well, as far as furniture.... I have a tv, steve said we could take the couch that's in his front room, mom has a dinning table (if we want to use it) but we would need chairs, I have some dishes but we need silverware and probably pots and pans....

I started making a list of things I have and things to get. We should get together and compile a list of stuff because we dont need two people going out and getting the same thing and have too much of something (like if we both got sets of silverware). Maybe we could do that saturday?

It sounds like you have a good list going yourself. Hehe This is going to be so much fun!!! Only 8 more days!!!!!!

Saterday evening works for me!

Great job Bethany! Like Jessica said you handled it really well. I'm proud of you and I'm excited for your new adventure with Jessica and Natalie. IKEA is the best and I'm so excited for you. Good luck ladies and tell me if you need help painting, moving or whatever. I'm here for you!

Thanks Heather, You're fabulous.

Bethany,

Thanks for sharing your conversation with Kelley. I know that it makes you sad to think about Kelley living alone and being so hurt by this news, but you have to keep in mind that we all have the ability to make our own choices in our life. You are making the decision to live with friends because you know that it is the right thing for you. Kelley has the same ability to have roommates move in so that she is not lonely but no matter what she does from this point on, you should not feel guilty about it.

Everything is going to be okay. Things are going to work out. Something that I have to tell myself periodically is that I can't help others if I don't take care of myself first. As hard as it is for us, we need to make our lives a priority too. You are taking hold of your life and trying to make it better. You shouldn't feel guilty about that.

Don't forget that you have all of our love and support through all of this and I know that you will forget my encouragements written above, so I will continue to remind you.

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Jessica and Bethany and Natalie,

I am excited for your venture. Have fun at IKEA and make a point to enjoy each step of this process. This is the start of something good.

Any moving plans of action for this weekend? I pretty free saturday. I can help pack and un pack.

I know that we are going to need to clean the carpet in my room and in the living room. Other than that, we are planning to give the whole house a once over and cleaned.

Ok great. What time?

We are meeting with Rose (the land lord) at 10am on saterday...so it would probably be in the afternoon sometime. We can go over specifics tonight at girls night. Thanks for offering to help. It means so much to me that I have friends that I can count on, and who are willing to help me out. THANK YOU!!!!